Flipping Tables, Explosions in the Sky, and the Artist Out of Control
It's the calm before the storm, I can see it. It's beautiful in its grey, dark mystery which will approach and throw everything around before leaving the crisp earthy smell of wet ground.
Patience and I have long been enemies. I've watched it prancing from afar, pretty in its own way I can only be envious of. "You should do yoga!" "You should get acupuncture" ...You should shut up, I've always thought. I am not that person. I don't do calm. I get shit done.
Yet for ten days now, I've managed - nay- perfected- patience, as two hundred pink neon signs have flashed from boxes in my bedroom. "WILL YOU BE MY ELECTRIC BLANKET WILL YOU BE MY ELECTRIC BLANKET", they chant. Every day that passes seems like a day lost in some ways, and every time I see a friend I'm dying to distribute them, but it's not time yet. I haven't given a single zine to a single soul. But why!?
Because: when it's time, we need to flip the whole table. With the zine launches this website, and I'm waiting for the logo to be finalized by an outside artist who I've hired (this is how you know I'm serious about this whole business thing). When the zine and the website launch, my plans are public. Which means I should have some firm plans. And I'm still waiting to hear back about some important business-y things first. They're all tied together, and in being tied, so are my hands.
The zines are chanting, my heart is beating through a megaphone, and I must tell them all to breathe and just hang out. Enjoy the calm. The prize for the patience: we're going to flip that table in one fell swoop. And it's going to be awesome to watch.
1. Flip Table.
2. Watch the storm of beauty roll in and change everything.
And then 3. There will be explosions in the sky.
If you know anything about my last year or so, you'll know that it's been thorough in its intensity and in the spring cleaning of my life. If not, those are stories for another day. But the thing is, as I emerge slowly, I'm more and more certain that the explosions will happen. Creative explosions, explosions of the heart, beautiful fireworks to watch and stand under as they glimmer above, without fear of fire- at least not the kind that destroys. I had a dream last night about lightening that turned into fireworks that then blew up a generator- but somehow it was all going to be good in the end. This is the third dream I've had recently about explosions in the sky, and it seems like a fitting premonition.
Until then, I am an artist out of control. Messages to friends late in the night that say, "Is it ok to use the word 'fuck' in a piece of art?" followed my "nm, I know the answer" have become a thing. I've made more art in the last few months than I imagined possible, and it's art I love more than anything I've made before. I wondered recently if attaining happiness will mean that the art will become boring, but then I realized that through Electric Blanket there will be endless topics for art. That's the whole point. We have art to create, people!
I want this so terribly bad that it seems impossible that it won't happen. I see it so clearly, this Electric Blanket space. And if I have to continue trying on this 'patience' thing, well, so be it.